Saturday, 18 February 2012

Compromising with the Parents

I always see young alternative people complaining that their parents will not let them have freedom.  They are always asking for help to convince their parents to let them dress a certain way.  The advice given to them is usually somewhere along the lines of "sit down and talk to them and try to make them understand why dressing like this is important to you."  I'm sure in some instances this may work but in most situations it probably won't.  If parents are dead set on not letting you out of the house in a certain way they are not going to change their minds easily.

I am not trying to tell you guys to give up and dress like normal kiddies to impress your parents.  I am instead going to talk to you guys about handling things in a much more mature way than to stomp off muttering something about how parents just don't understand.

This solution I am talking about is compromise.  Most healthy relationships with people will be based off of compromise including your relationship with your parents.  I do not personally have to do this as often as many people because my mom has always taught me to be my own person and is fine with how I present myself.  Although their have been some situations where I wanted to do something to change my looks and my mom has said no.  Most of these times have met with compromise.

For example when I was in the seventh grade I wanted to dye my hair black.  My mom did not want me to do this and we eventually came to an agreement to let me dye my hair a really dark brown.  In most light it looked black and she was happy with it son all was fine.  More recently when I told my mom I wanted an under shave she refused to let me shave my head.  I have now had an undercut that is easily hide able since the summer.  And my current compromise that I had to make was that I will dye my hair a natural color for my upcoming grad photos(although my mom's biggest concern was that my pink hair would clash with my red grad gown).

Okay so my compromises all have to do with hair but it is fairly easy to compromise with other things too.

Don't we all with our families looked like The Addams Family?

Ripped Stockings
One thing I hear a lot of is parents concerns over ripped stockings.  This one is fairly easy, don't rip your stockings.  That may not seem like much of a compromise but there is more to it.  A lot of parents are much more willing to let their kids out in stockings that ripped naturally than stockings that were ripped on purpose.  I'm not quite sure why but I'm guessing it has something to do with getting more wear for your money.  If your parents still don't want to let you wear your stockings that ripped naturally then well your kind of out of luck but there are plenty of tights that look just as cute intact as they do ripped.

Ripped Jeans
The rule with stockings can also work with jeans.  When I was younger my dad wouldn't let me buy ripped jeans or purposely add rips into jeans but if they wore out or got ripped on accident he was fine with them. 

Short Skirts
This one I am fully on board with parents especially with younger kids.  There are a couple things you can do with this.  First agree to wear leggings under short skirts.  This will work for most parents because you are not showing too much skin.  If your parents are more concerned about your skirt blowing up or people seeing up it while walking up stairs then wear shorts under it.  I live in Canada and the wind is almost always acting up so I used to do this all the time and will still do it on especially wind days.  If you want to add a bit of a spin wear jeans underneath, I remember when I was in about the sixth grade wearing a plaid skirt over ripped jeans was like the coolest thing ever.  So add a bit of a retro spin by doing that.

Second thing you can do is wear a slightly longer skirt.  Instead of wearing something that only goes half way down your thigh wear something that sits just above the knee.  This gives a modest look without having to wear a maxi skirt.  You can find many medium length skirts that are just as edgy as a mini and they are much more age appropriate.

This like the skirts I have to agree with.  What you have to remember is that corsets are technically lingerie and to most people outside of the subculture they are perceived as being sexual.  So a young teen wearing one isn't considered very appropriate even if you are wearing a non-revealing shirt underneath.  A compromise for this would be to wear tops that are designed to appear as if they bring your waist in like a corset.  You can also get away with wearing tops with the corset lacing detail on them.  Waist cinchers and waist belts are also a great way to give off a corseted shape.

Platform Boots
I'm not entirely sure why parents seem so against platform boots but the majority of them are.  Even my open minded mom makes fun of my prised Demonia boots despite the fact that she paid for them after I practically begged her.  This one your not really gonna get around so to be quite honest I would say that like me you would probably have to resort to begging.  But if this does not work then do not fret.  There are plenty of gothy boots that are not platform.  Hell combat style boots are pretty much a staple in both goth and punk.  They also go with everything from jeans to a fancy dress(at least I pair mine with my pretty lace dresses).  I also found a pair of adorable dress boots that look like they were inspired by the early 1900's.  I also found a pair of what I call witch boots for $2 at a yard sale.

Heavy Make Up
If you can get away with it wear lots of make-up just in lighter colors.  My every day make up is actually just silver eyeshadow and black flick eyeliner with a heavy coat of mascara not very dark at all.  Also bright colors can bring some interest to your otherwise dark look.  And another concern is black lipstick.  First off black lipstick does NOT look good on everyone.  Second there are tons of crazy colors of lipstick online.  In my opinion green lipstick beats out black any day.

Just remember compromise is always better than creating a hostile situation with your parents.


  1. great one, maybe things like this will help some people to not get into much heavy arguments XD

    and for the corsets, wearing a corset/waist cincher under a shirt sometimes might even look or feel better ^_^ i prefer this for my working days. and it still helps you with waist training, but i would not recommend that while your body is not completely grown up...

  2. "What you have to remember is that corsets are technically lingerie" Only if they are those crappy satin ones. If corsets-as-outwear are "technically lingerie" then so are bloomers.

    Otherwise, yes, you're on the money. I never compromised though, because my mother was all NO about nearly everything. She wouldn't even let me cut my hair. So my dad paid for it, and I did it anyway. Poor advice for most people though.

    1. When I said they were lingerie I meant that the original purpose was for an undergarment not how they are used now. :P

    2. I've always consider bloomers as lingerie as well as corsets, doesn't mean I won't show them off. ;)

    3. Kitty, why you must hate on our postys? D:

  3. A lot of this list applies to me, haha.

    Rips, platforms, hair dye, and heavy makeup are particular difficulties. :)

    Great post :))

  4. Good article. My parents aren't really picky or fussy, but I have another for ripped clothing: wear it over a non-ripped article. ^_^ It actually looks good layered, if you use the right colors in my own opinion.

  5. Excellent advice! Arguing with the parents will just enhance their assumption that Goths are just rebellious kids. Compromise shows maturity, and will most likely impress them more than anything!

  6. Heheh fair enough! p.s. THAT HEADER IS ADORABLE!!!!!!

  7. I don't get the "parents hating platform boots" thing either. Maybe older folks just don't like the style (which is strange considering that platform shoes were popular in the 40's and 70's.) Maybe they think it looks "slutty" but a pair of high heels is a lot more sexual than a pair of stompy boots, and boots are a lot more comfortable too!

  8. Exellent post!
    Speaking of the heavy makeup, I have several posts devoted to that on my blog, as well as one about compromising with parents on hair dye, tattoos and piercings. Remember to be cautious when shopping for makeup, and check what is in it before buying it. I myself use only organic makeup, just to be safe, as ordinary makeup often has harmful or even cancer-causing chemicals.
    My relatives are of the rare type that neither know what I wear/buy or care, so it is very easy to compromise with them, since, well... they neither know what I actually get, nor care. Or maybe because I don't get much that would be completely out of the ordinary, I don't know.

  9. I don't have major problems with my mom. In fact, now my hair is 4 diferent colours (and I'm including my real hair colour). I wear make up when I feel like and, althoug I don't have a lot of clothes, I have a LOT of accessories, that my mom sometimes borrow from me =) but I find this a little weird, since I'm in Portugal, but maybe it's because my mom is a little bit gothic as well (although she is not that much in this days)